When Expectations Lead to Disappointment
Flexibility and Acceptance Help Restore Emotional Balance
Expectations are a natural part of being human. We all hope for specific outcomes. We want situations to unfold according to our plans. We want people to behave in ways that are acceptable to us. And we imagine or project how we think things should be.
Often we resist what is happening because it does not fit the picture we created in our mind. This creates stress. The intensity of that stress is directly related to the strength of our attachment to the outcome of those expectations. We often suffer if our expectation is not met. I observed this in myself recently.
When reality does not match what we’d hoped for, disappointment often follows. That, too is natural.
We expect relationships to develop in a certain way, or we expect someone to understand us, or care. We expect life to be fair, or we expect our efforts will produce a particular successful result. Often, something altogether different happens.
Life unfolds through thousands of interacting factors at any given moment. Circumstances are influenced by countless conditions. Other people have their own thoughts, feelings, histories and choices. The truth is that we have very little control over the many forces shaping our lives.
This does not mean we should stop having preferences, goals, or dreams.
It just reminds us to accept that life is not obligated to follow our script and go from there.
How we choose to respond determines the quality of our life—the level of peace and ease we will experience.
I have learned the importance of letting go. It is something I consciously practice—again and again!
When disappointment from unmet expectation arises, it can be helpful reminder to pause.
Ask: yourself “What has the most meaning for me right now?” Is it having life go your way, or easing the resistance to What Is.
Resistance tends to create more tension.
Acceptance, on the other hand, creates space to breathe…literally!
Acceptance does not mean endorsement. You wouldn’t have dialed up a let down! It most definitely does not mean liking a situation or pretending it is ideal. It means acknowledging reality as it exists—in this moment—so you can respond wisely.
The most helpful thing to do is return attention to the present moment, Here/Now.
Follow 3 slow, complete cycles of breath and
Notice emotions. .
Notice what’s happening in the body (internal tension, gripped jaw, etc.)
Notice the stories the mind is creating about the future or the past.
* Becoming more consciously aware is key. Then, with compassion, choose what matters most.
Often, what matters most is not controlling the outcome.
Rather, it is maintaining balance, clarity and well-being, regardless of the outcome.
In my book, Thrive at any Age, I talk about “the art of Letting Go”.
Thriving is less about what we cling to, and more about what we are willing to release.
This is where flexibility becomes an important life skill.
Flexibility allows us to adapt to unasked for circumstances.
With Patience we are able to wait for the larger picture and a different perspective. .
Many disappointments eventually reveal unexpected lessons, opportunities, or directions we could not have seen earlier.
Life rarely unfolds exactly as expected. Learning to meet it with greater flexibility, patience and acceptance can help us experience more peace and less struggle.
Sometimes the greatest gift comes not from getting what we wanted, but from the well-being that comes when we relax our grip on how we thought things had to be and accepting things as they are. That is a gift of presence.
If you find yourself struggling with disappointment, change or uncertainty, you don’t have to work through it alone. I offer a free 20-minute introductory conversation by phone. Together we can explore simple ways to restore greater clarity, balance and ease.
